settling in.

two weekends ago, ryan & i were able to head back to pensacola for a weekend away, just the two of us. it was an incredibly important trip for us -- a chance to go back and touch a rock in our lives. pensacola was where ryan was stationed when we got engaged, where we lived for the first year of our marriage -- the backdrop for a really significant three years in our story.

we hadn't been back since we moved to virginia & being there felt, in so many ways, like going home for us. the familiar sights, sounds, views were all a balm for our souls. we ate in the restaurants, took the drives, walked the beaches, went to the church, told the stories and wandered the target aisles of that season of life. we did the ordinary things we did all the time when we lived there. it reminded us just how solid of a foundation we forged there. it reminded us of all the things we were intentional about & how much care we took in laying the cornerstones for our little family. it also allowed us to get some perspective on how far we've come, how different our lives are now.

one of my the poignant moments was when we were driving down scenic highway, a road we used to live on (my dad said it best when he wrote us a letter after a visit saying that "all marriages should begin on scenic highway" -- it was a really incredible place to begin our lives together) -- we were talking about the major hats each of us wears right now. -- for me wife & mom, for ryan husband, dad & pilot. we were talking about how all of those were relatively new roles for us, but long, long anticipated for each of us. ryan has wanted to be a navy pilot his whole life, we've both had a sense we wanted to get married & start a family for as long as we can remember.

but like most things in life, what that actually looks and feels like has been unexpected. i always seem to want to live with one foot in whatever is the next season of life, i've longed to be just a bit older, a bit further along. time & time again, when i finally arrive in that moment, it's different than i anticipated. and what always catches me off guard is that it's never hard in the ways i expected it to be hard. so, i find myself flailing a bit, feeling unprepared, rushing off to try to fix things or make them better. but now this moment finally feels like i'm beginning to do what i've long needed to do -- to settle in. here's what i mean -- it's unnatural for me, the type a doer, to really rest in a season of life. to rest in whatever discomfort and hardship might be there & to really yield that it's exactly where i'm supposed to be. the good, the bad and the ugly is the moment i'm intended for.

you see, i believe deeply ryan is who i'm supposed to go through life with, that he is meant to be a navy pilot & that, for now, my primary responsibility is being his wife & ellie's mom. this life -- especially being a military wife & all this life entails -- is incredibly unexpected for me. & i have days where i look around and think "how the heck did i get here?!!" but in an honest moment --- i know, deep within my soul, this is EXACTLY where i'm supposed to be. i've always spent so much time trying to make things better, even perfect; to improve, to ace the test -- and now i'm learning that's a fruitless task -- there's always going to be imperfection, uncertainty, discomfort. i'm missing so much by trying to barrel through the difficult things instead of seeing them as connected to all the good around me. that both the incredible blessings in my life, and the hardships, are working for my good -- so that i can be more loving, more kind, more empathetic, more generous, more authentic. when i fight this, i waste so much energy on things that in an honest moment, i know are completely beyond my control & not mine to "fix." i miss opportunities to dig in with people i care about, to really listen, to care for, to see the growth that i so badly need.

ryan & i were telling each other the moments when we knew we were beginning to settle into these hats we each plan to wear for a long time -- like how it's not odd to ryan anymore that i have his last name or to talk about his wife or daughter -- it's a part of his identity. we also were talking about where we know some important growth still lies ahead. i was telling him about this evening i'd had with some really dear friends. they'd kindly come over for dinner because ryan was gone for training and ellie was going to bed really early. i was reading with their four year old after dinner and they were on the floor stacking blocks with their one year old -- i looked over and saw how content they were. there was no sense there were more productive things they could be doing or that there's some place they'd rather be on a friday night or that stocking blocks with a one year old was monotonous. it was clear that this how they do life -- this is where they invest their time, their patience, their love. they've been married for seven years & parents for almost five years -- it was so clear to me how much they'd genuinely settled into those roles in a really beautiful way.

i think so much of entering parenthood is about yielding to how much it will change who you are and how you've always done things. and i've fought a lot of that -- i've thought that there was some way i could avoid changing how i view a productive day, or how i like to structure my time or get things done. the example i always use (which is kind of silly, but explains it) is that i have always been a morning shower person. ellie changed that completely -- mornings are sacred time for us. we share a bowl of oatmeal, i drink my latte while we build towers or color. & then we're usually off on an adventure or to see friends. i pull my hair back, pull on some clothes and we head off. when i need to shower is after i've put her to bed, i crave the chance to decompress, to reset, to settle into the time i have before i head to bed. it sounds ridiculous, but it's been so humbling to see all these silly things i've had my security or identity in just go by the wayside -- to realize my own selfishness and security lurked in the oddest places. & that the world keeps spinning when those things change or adapt or get redefined. in fact, often life is even better.

& so i'm settling in -- not pretending all of this is comfortable, but resting that this is where I'm supposed to be. these are the people i'm supposed to be doing life with. these are the circumstances i'm meant to navigate, the people i'm meant to love on, the growth i need. and that when i look around, there is so much to be grateful for. blessings abound. this past saturday morning, ellie & i were in our backyard. she was in a fit of giggles as she rolled over this gigantic red ball. i watched her chase bubbles across the yard -- and then get distracted by something she found in our grass. finally, we sat in silence as we drew with chalk while the sun warmed our backs. i looked up at the bright, blue sky & thought -- this is exactly where i'm supposed to be right now. i'd longed for that morning all my life and hadn't even known it.

photo above taken while we were in pensacola, nothing convinces me more of how i need to settle in than standing by the ocean.

motherhood & work.

as ellie turned one (!!!!) & this whole motherhood thing is really sinking in, becoming more a part of my identity every day, i wanted to do a post to capture this moment in time. i also wanted to respond to many of you who have e-mailed asking about my decision regarding work/maternity leave, etc. i waited until now for two reasons : the first is my decision was very much influenced by ryan being deployed for half of e's first year of life (& i needed to wait until he was home to talk openly about that). secondly, i really felt like i needed to journey through this whole year before writing. nothing i say below is earthshattering, it's just an honest reflection on what it's really been like for me to become a mama.

so, here goes. deep breath. (that's mainly for me, you might just want to get a fresh cup of coffee, this is going to be a long one).

one of the main reasons i have a hard time tackling the issue of my decision to stay home with ellie is that i'm frustrated by the language we use. "maternity leave" makes it seem like you have to leave work to be motherly and then you go back to work and are some how less motherly(?). it also sounds like this really relaxing period - when giving birth and the early weeks with a newborn were some of the most labor intensive of my life!

"stay at home mom" just sounds ridiculous because i know of no stay at home moms who do that (just stay at home) - most are incredibly active, involved in their community, generally busy loving on people in their lives. and that leads us to "working moms" which somehow always comes off to be moms who are less engaged or trying to prove a point or frazzled -- we almost get cartoon images from these terms. or, you get the "are you just a mom?" or "do you work out of the home?" which are awkward questions from the start (at least for me).

i'm also frustrated, like most of you are, because these conversations always seem to end up in the same place -- all of us thinking there's this magical place we can arrive -- where we'll have totally fulfilling careers, amazing relationships with our kids, incredible marriages with weekly date nights, gorgeous homes, tons of time on the weekend to do all those projects we've been pinning, deep relationships with all our closest friends and family, vacations that totally refresh us and christmas cards that capture how incredibly balanced and happy life is. and yet, i know of no one who is living that magical life. we all want to find the formula for something that doesn't really exist -- we want to ignore we all have to choose how we spend our time & energy. that this is a broken world with challenges & pain for each of us.

what i do know is a lot of people who are faithfully struggling to find their own version of balance -- and many who are finding joy in that process & where they are at this moment in time. i know wives who are laughing with their husband on the kitchen floor when dinner turned out just TERRIBLY & did they really forget to pick up that kid after the recital?! & wait, when did the dog eat that stuffed animal?! 

i know couples who huddle late at night, for the tenth time this year, reworking their travel schedules so they get more dinners with their kids.

Click to read more ...

twenty-nine things i've learned.

for my twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth birthdays, i shared some things that bring me joy & that i'm grateful for. while that's a worthy exercise every year, i think this year, we've more than covered that here on t&f. having a baby and experiencing a deployment brings those things into sharp focus. 

so, as i was thinking what i might do for a post this (my 29th!!!) birthday, i was laughing with ryan about a couple of the things i've learned (mostly the hard way) in my twenty nine years. the thing is, you're hardly wise at twenty nine (i have an amazing grandfather who is 94, go see him if you're looking for wisdom!). but you're also not 14 any more (i did think i had it all figured out at that age) -- you've managed to get through middle school (no easy task), high school (oh geez), college (that was the life...), first jobs, most of your twenties, in some cases (including mine) newlywed days & almost your first year of parenthood. 

meaning i've been to the school of hard knocks more than once. i've also come to appreciate some of the things i learned by watching others -- people who i admire, trust, want to be more like. so, i've spent the past few months jotting down things for this list on the back of napkins, a receipt, my iphone, & begging ryan to help me remember them. so here goes, a list of 29 i thinks i'm grateful i've learned. i hope at least one is helpful to you! some are serious, some are small, some are (hopefully) funny, others come from some of the toughest moments in my life. all mean more to me than i can possibly put into words, and as i blow out 29 candles this weekend, i'll be thinking of these.

1. be very, very selective in who you choose to go through life with -- especially your spouse. there will be no more important decision you make.

2. have a videographer at your wedding: we didn't fit this in our budget & it's the one thing i've never gotten over. i want so much for our kids and grandkids to be able to really see that day (i would do ANYTHING to be able to see my grandparents & parents wedding). we have some ok footage, but the lighting in the church and audio were really hard for a handheld camera. cut back in other areas of your budget if you need to, but hire a great videographer.

3. get your new house professionally cleaned before you move in - especially if it was just renovated. it "looked" clean to me and once we had moved all our things in, i spent months trying to get all the construction dust up. rookie home owner mistake! 

4. have nice dish soap. you end up spending a lot of time at your kitchen sink, the task becomes a lot brighter when you have good dish soap (and it's usually only a bit more expensive). i LOVE this kind.

Click to read more ...

eleven years ago today.

eleven years ago today, my husband made the decision that he would one day serve his country. it was four days before he would turn sixteen. to him & so many others who made the same decision that day & in the days that followed -- i am so grateful.

i am grateful for your service, the many sacrifices you have made & for the unbelievable strength you have shown this great country. ryan, i'm so proud to be your wife. to all who have served since 9/11, we won't forget all you've given. to the victims families, our prayers are with you today & all the days of your grief.

some thoughts on blogging.

hi friends, so there's a thunderstorm rolling up outside, a sweet baby napping a room away & a steaming mug of my favorite tea nestled next to the most amazing dark chocolate almonds from trader joe's (full disclosure: they're addicting).

& i'm thinking about this sweet space & what a blessing this blog is in my life.

it is such a privilege to share our lives with you. to have the opportunity to write & share & create & go through life on tulips & flightsuits. at their best, blogs become a way to share our lives with an incredible level of transparency, with a really consistent authenticity of voice & in a way that makes this world a little better, bit by bit. that means so very much to me. i wanted to check in with you as i feel like my voice has been slipping in recent weeks -- there's an elephant in the room that is our lives, one i'm grateful i'll be able to share with you soon, but for now, i want to dig deep and make things a little better around here.

first of all, sorry for all the design upheaval -- i can't quite figure out what i want this space to look like specifically (i know it want it to be a simple, clean, beautiful, easy to wander site) & seem to make changes (then not like them) and run out of time/bandwidth in my life to finish them. so, i'm gonna wait for the time & space to really make them right secondly, instagram has been such a lifesaver, especially since e arrived. i always have my iphone on me & it has given me such an easy way to really chart this incredible year for our family. in some ways, it's a mini-blog. that said, i've over used the photos here -- if you want to follow me on instagram, please do! & i will continue to use some of the photos here, but i really want to get back to big ideas posts, and helping us all  find creative, intentional ways to do life. the reality is me re-posting all my instagram photos is just taking time away from that.

so, i've got some posts that have been brewing for way too long. my soul longs to write them. so, i'm booking some time at coffee shops in the near future & am excited to hit publish. in the meantime, thanks for hanging with me. it really is such an honor to have so many of you swing by here -- and reach out ANYTIME (tulipsandflightsuits@gmail.com) with thoughts. i love hearing from y'all.

back soon. xo

p.s. i've added two things to the right hand column, an easy way to get to my instagram photos & a way to see what i'm reading!

what to do in the summer, according to mary.

know the trip to the beach is worth it, even when you know you won't get to lay down for one second with that baby crawling all over the place trying to eat sand!

finally tackle painting the dining room navy. when at first it looks various shades of turquoise, don't panic, it's just going to take four coats (!!). fall in love with that room all over again.

eat fresh fruit in cute ramekins. p.s. i love that word "ramekin!"

on a long, hot morning when you're out of milk to make lattes, take a field trip with your sweet baby girl to get an iced coffee.

make a rhubarb snacking cake for daddio for father's day!

when the baby finally naps, resist the temptation to grab your to do list & be still for just long enough to read a magazine & really enjoy a latte.

practically jump up & down when someone oh so thoughtful sends you the brightest tea towels!

how are you spending your summer days?

on generosity.

alright, go grab a(nother) cup of coffee & nestle in, this is going to be a longer one:

these past few weeks, i've been tossing around a post on generosity. like many of my other big ideas posts (on visiting friends, or newlywed life, or going through life with dear friends), it's a topic that seems to be coming up all over the place. you see, when i think of generosity i think of a lot of things:

i think of the women at bible study who hear ellie's cry, see the dark circles under my eyes, & come to rock her in the back of the room so i can really listen. they are generous. i think of some dear friends who are also new parents & the precious package that arrived from their baby girl to ellie with two of her favorite books inside (i love a three week old who already has favorite books!). that baby girl is led by generous parents. i think of the dozen loads of laundry my mom did when she was in town last week. she is generous. i think of my sweet friend who is so present when we catch up on the phone -- she has such intentional questions, such thoughtful responses -- encouragement just pours out of her. her spirit is oh so generous. i think of another sweet friend who drove 8 hours round trip in one day to meet ellie because she just couldn't stand another day not having met her. ellie cried most of the three hours she was here & she didn't mind. her generosity meant more than she'll know. i think of saturday morning, when ryan needed sleep just as much as i did, but he took ellie down to the back room & let me sleep for two extra hours (!!). he is generous & loves me so well. i think of the friend who came by trains, planes & automobiles to meet ellie & as if that wasn't enough, brought the two above gifts for me (shouldn't i be buying her gifts?!) -- so incredibly thoughtful & generous (what a stunning scarf & i can hardly wait to dive into this cookbook!). i think of all the loads of dishes kaitlin did & lattes she made while she visited -- small acts that made all the difference. she is generous.

surely this is evidence that bringing a child into this world makes generosity show up like neon lights all over the place -- at some level, you are so tired, exhausted, scared, overwhelmed and excited, that when others meet you in that place & lend a hand, you feel like you couldn't be more grateful. their generosity touches you in a new way -- they're not only loving you, but loving this new life, and that means a great deal.

that said, i was interested in generosity long before ellie came along. i grew up in a family where generosity was modeled incredibly well by both of my parents. taking meals to others, giving thoughtful gifts, holding the door for others, volunteering, visiting older friends & new babies, paying attention to other's big life events, hosting bridal & baby showers, stopping to help someone on the side of the road, & taking care of one another mattered a lot in our house. those things were done consistently & without much fanfare -- it was a way of living. my mom had a shelf or two of gifts at the ready -- for a hostess, birthday or someone who was sick; she had a file folder of cards for all occasions. my dad treated everyone who crossed his path with the same warmth & generosity of spirit.

as i got to college & had the choice to take on the same responsibilities in my life or neglect them, i tried really hard to follow their lead. i was also blessed to find friends who embodied this generosity so well.

it's important to note, generosity can cost money -- the ingredients for the meal for a grieving family, those flowers when your friend across the country gets a big promotion, a latte for the assistant at your office who constantly makes your work day a bit easier, the provisions for a bridal shower for a dear friend, those books for a new baby -- they all cost money. it also can simply require your time -- helping a friend move into a new apartment, or babysitting for new parents, giving the spouse of a deployed service member a few hours to herself, or offering to take that elderly neighbor to the grocery store for a few hours. in both cases, regardless what your income is or how busy you are, i'd take to heart that generosity involves some sacrifice. sending a friend a thoughtful gift may cut into your budget for eating out this month. spending an afternoon helping someone else may mean you don't cross as much off your to do list. generosity will, at some level, require a sacrifice from you. that said, i can promise it won't feel like a sacrifice -- my life most often feels even more full when i'm generous. when you get the immensely grateful email from the friend who really needed that pick me up, you won't look at your credit card bill at the end of the month & regret that purchase. when you see the relief on a friend's face after you help them for a few hours, you won't be bitter your to do list isn't shorter that day. when you see the smile on a bride's face as she sees all the touches you put on her wedding shower, it will be worth every penny & late night getting ready.

i don't do this perfectly. it's something i wrestle with i'll think of someone or hear some news & think "i should send them that book!" and then go "but our budget is so tight this month, maybe just a card, or even an email?" or will contemplate offering to help someone & then think "but i haven't seen Ryan all week & i'd rather just spend time with him that afternoon..." it's not a perfect science, but when i choose what's easier for me, it ends up being so much emptier than when i choose to go a bit out of my way for someone else.

and it doesn't have to cost a gazillion dollars! instead of ordering flowers online, pick some up at the grocery & arrange them yourself! use amazon to get free shipping & dirt cheap prices on amazing, thoughtful gifts (i love this candle & this book). you can even include a free gift message! when you cook a meal for others, simply double the recipe for your own family & it'll be a lot more cost effective (i'm a big fan of doubling my pumpkin bread & chocolate chip cookie recipe -- it's just as easy to make twice as much & it gives you the opportunity to brighten someone's day!). scour pinterest for affordable ways to make hosting a party affordable & thoughtful. make your own cards -- a simple note on the perfect card can be a gift in itself. show up. be present. offer your skills & talents (if you have a green thumb, are a baby whisperer, have a knack for photography, etc. there is so much you can do for others!)

this world can be a cold, dark place -- and simple acts of generosity can be such a bright light. 

shine on. 

snippets, part two.

continuing yesterday's post, here are a few more little moments lately:

1. i absolutely love a garland wrapped banister with little white lights. it's magical, especially in this sweet house of ours.

2. little bits of christmas throughout the house make it feel so warm & cozy. our house, fully decorated last year is here!

3. i know i've said it a few times, but one my favorite traditions is the sending & receiving of christmas cards. getting mail is even more exciting in december & i love nothing more than going to the post office to send our cards off to all corners of the world. 

4. one really cool thing about having your mom or dad work in naval aviation is santa arrives by helicopter! really incredible morning at ryan's squadron. more photos of this event in my next post!

5. we're really trying to be intentional about these final days before the baby arrives -- little dates, time with dear friends & good eats. a spontaneous jimmy john's run the other night was oh so fun.

6. & sunday we went on a date to johnny rocket's & to see the new movie "new year's eve," which i loved!

have a wonderful day! xo

snippets.

so ... I'm thirty nine weeks pregnant and can hardly believe it. i've officially been on maternity leave for two weeks & life has been full of all these small & big moments as we prepare for this little one to join our family. i've got so many posts floating around in my head to write & am hoping this week means some curling up by the christmas tree to do just that. for now, in two parts, i'd love to share some snippets of our life these past few weeks:

1. nesting is in full gear & knows no bounds. so are all sorts of new things i love to eat -- like this banana bread. which i think i've made three times this month.

2. we went to a christmas tree farm to find the perfect tree for this very special christmas that's upon us -- photos of "the one" fully decorated soon!

3. trader joe's is a hike from our house & yet i've made two trips in the past few weeks. i'm craving really fresh food -- pineapple, mangoes (i think that's baby girl's way of making me feel like i'm on a tropical vacation...) & pretty much everything else you can find in their opening aisle. plus, the place just makes me happy. their holiday bags are a-dorable. *note, i'm also craving ben & jerry's s'mores ice cream like it's going out of style...

4. one day, i tried out barefoot contessa's butternut squash & apple soup, with some sourdough bread -- it was the perfect winter lunch. *also, a lot of work to mash the squash and apple when you realize halfway thru you don't have a food processor the recipe calls for...

5. my VERY last time in a dress this pregnancy -- ryan's squadron's christmas party (that is our tree, it has ornaments now!)

6. we had friend's over for pancake night -- classic & gingerbread, plus toppings! it was so fun. i'm such a fan of breakfast for dinner. we finished it off with fancy hot chocolate.

more snippets tomorrow!

grateful.

so much to be grateful for: my incredible husband, our little one growing every day (who we can't wait to meet!), our incredible family, dear friends, a wonderful house to keep us safe & warm, time together, our health, simple joys like hot chocolate & an evening walk.

today, we're going to have a cozy morning with cinnamon rolls & the macy's thanksgiving day parade (yay!) and then enjoy this four day weekend, complete with getting our house ready for christmas! be sure to check out last year's thanksgiving here & here! i'll be back monday with some fun posts, in the meantime, have an absolutely wonderful thanksgiving! xo

p.s. don't forget to enter this amazing giveaway!

images above found here & here