when i did this post on ellie's favorite books, i promised to share ryan & my favorite books on parenthood. i'm your classic first time mama -- i've been reading like crazy since long before ellie arrived. i've gotten better at the balance along the way (although recently, i had a freak out & stayed up way to late reading an entire book trying to find the "answer" to that phase for ellie ... needless to say it didn't work).
what i mean by balance is this: often you hear "kids don't come with an instruction manual" and of course that's true. but, by the same count, there are a lot of great books out there & you will get the most from them if you don't treat them as prescriptions, but rather find the things that resonate with your kid(s) and how you want to build your family and know this is a long endeavor -- it simply can't all be done today.
i think parenthood can be so overwhelming that when you find a book that resonates with you, you can instantly want the entire book applied in your life or feel like you've already screwed up (i remember when e was seven months old saying to ryan, in one particular exasperated moment, "well, we already screwed this one up, better luck with the next one" ha!). what i've gotten better at is finding books that have some new perspective to offer & not feeling like i have to drink the whole can of koolaide the author is offering in one big gulp -- i can see what works for us now, try a few new things, mark certain passages for when they might work for our family as it grows.
the books above are the ones that have had the most impact on our family -- the ones that have really changed how we approach this journey & that we will be re-reading many times in the years to come. they're all really different, so i'll do my best to explain why we love each one in hopes that maybe one or two meet you where you are. i can also honestly say three of these are books i would have totally loved to read long before i had ellie -- they're just as much about life as they are about parenthood.
in the more memoir/narrative/storytelling genre:
great with child: i've posted about this book before, but it's worth mentioning again. it has become my go-to gift for any pregnant friend. i found nothing more comforting during my pregnancy than reading it. it's a book of letters from a young mother and professor to one of her former students who lost both her parents at a young age & is looking for someone to walk with her as she becomes a mother. these are tender, authentic, wonderful letters. i'm planning on reading it again in the coming months.
night lights: my godmother found a copy for me in a used bookstore months ago & mailed it to me. a collection of stories from a single mother -- this book has all the things i love most: a raw account of motherhood, a mother willing to be bold in her telling of her story, with absolutely beautiful writing. there are these lines that just hang with you -- i remember reading that "small boys become large men in the presence of large men who still care about small boys" and just putting the book down to let the truth of that really soak in.
dude you're going to be a dad: this remains ryan's favorite book -- you can read my full post on it here. i love sending this & great with child to any of our friends who are expecting for the first time. i just gave ryan this book for christmas & will let you know what he thinks about it -- i'm kind of hoping it's a great with child or night lights for guys.
now more practical/scientific books:
simplicty parenting: oh my word i've been reading this book over the past few weeks & have just loved it so much. i struggled with the introduction, but as i got into it, i just found so much that resonated. i describe it as like a really rich piece of chocolate cake -- you really have to read it slowly because there is so much to process -- about your own childhood, the choices you're making in your life as an adult & the way you're going to build your own family. i love all of the really simple truths, the very simple things to implement -- the sections on play, dinner time (especially how powerful candles can be!) and story telling will have a direct impact on the environment at our house, even now. probably only 5 percent of this book really applies to having a 14 month old, but i'm so grateful to be reading it now. the writing is so well done & i just find the science and research behind it really fascinating. this book surely can be overwhelming and takes a really strong point of view, but if you approach it to try to find a few things that will work for your family, i think you could really come to love it. my copy is so marked up & it's the first book i've asked ryan to read in it's entirety (usually i just read aloud sections :)
grace based parenting: as a christian, who wants to raise my kids to know & love God, this book has been my absolute favorite from a faith perspective. i read it while ryan was deployed & literally typed up an outline of the book, with the quotes i found most powerful (i'm a dork, i know). when we went away to charlottesville, we spent a whole afternoon talking this book through. it was one of my favorite conversations we've ever had -- i learned so much about my husband & it brought up so many important things to talk through as we begin our family.
montessori from the start: i went to a montessori school when i was little & have several friends who have their kids in local montessori schools -- it has always been a way of teaching that has made so much sense to me. one of the most important things i've learned about parenthood is that it is so critical you understand childhood development. one of the most frustrating things can be the misunderstandings -- if you don't know where your child is developmentally, it can be so hard to get through the day with them. i read this book right after e was born & just read it again as she turned one and we hit a real rough patch in our days. while we haven't begun to implement a full montessori environment, i've really consistently practiced some of the most basic tenants and seen the impact in ellie's life. it has influenced how i talk to her, how our days go, what i've exposed her to & how i think about her growth.
healthy sleep habits, healthy child: certainly one of my steepest learning curves in the first year of parenthood was really coming to understand sleep -- how it happens, why it is so important, how to make it work for your baby. every new parent i know spends a lot of time thinking about sleep -- and wishing more of it would happen in their house! like childhood development, the thing that has been most helpful to me is to really try to learn about sleep -- it has given me the most comfort, confidence to make the choices to get ellie the sleep she needs and handle the really tough patches that come. this book was by far the most helpful -- again, not prescriptive, just presenting a ton of research and science. it's also really accessible -- i've gone back to it a bunch of times over these 14 months.
oh my word this turned into a long post! clearly i'm passionate about these books -- they feel like dear friends who have been with me on this journey. (for those of you wondering: great with child, night lights & simplicity parenting are the ones i would read even if i wasn't a mama yet!) the next book i'm excited to dive into is this one. now it's your turn -- what have been your favorites? xo
tulips & flight suits
