far from perfect.

my biggest concern with this blog is that somehow our lives comes off as perfect, tied neatly in a bow. it's really important to me that you know i cook terrible meals, have totally uncreative moments, let my house get messy (pipe down peanut gallery ryan & lizzie -- i do!! :), say mean things, have frozen pizza for dinner quite often, have big doubts about the balance in my life, and ryan & i get in fights. my guess is if i blogged about that all the time, this would stop being a moment of joy in your busy lives, and, well, life is tough enough. so, i try to keep a balance between being transparent (see my failure dinner post...) and also knowing this blog can be a bright, loving moment in a sometimes tough world.

Click to read more ...

first year as a navy wife.

i've mentioned before that me being a military wife was far from am obvious conclusion. i'm scared of guns, loud noises, and men in uniform. i had all the respect in the world for the men & women who were brave enough to put on the uniform and serve their country and was incredibly proud of my grandfather who served in the navy in WWII, but it was not a part of my daily life. then, i meet this amazing guy who decided at 17 he wanted to serve his country, endured four years at the naval academy (no walk in the park), two years of rigorous flight training, and now has an eight year commitment to the navy. i couldn't imagine my life without him, and that meant i couldn't imagine my life without the navy.

i wish i had a neat and tidy lesson from this year of being a navy wife and my path here, but instead, all i have are stories:

when ryan & i started dating, he was in his last year at the naval academy. i will never forget my first time there and walking around thinking "i didn't even know this world existed!!" i was struck a hundred times by how different his college experience was from mine (he was behind a gate all week, every week; had to run 10 miles in the dead of winter with a 40 pound pack on his back ... need i keep going?) i would sometimes drive out to the academy in the middle of week from d.c. to bring him pizza or pumpkin bread and beyond falling in love with him, i was just so grateful he would go through all this to keep us safe. 

Click to read more ...

first year of marriage.

one of my childhood friends got married in august -- it coincided with ryan's winging, so we couldn't get back to indiana for it, but luckily my parents went and gave me a complete play-by-play. the groom's father gave some thoughts on marriage and what he said ended up being my big epiphany that finally helped me articulate what i've felt this whole first year of marriage. he said that marriage is of course about quality time, but it actually sort of bucks the idea of quality over quantity, because quantity of time matters a lot in marriage. 

marriage is not just about one magical dinner a week where you have the perfect conversation and look smashing. it's about all the absolutely small, ordinary, mundane moments in life. it's about being there when life is not perfect or magical or even really fun. it's about paying bills and running errands and sitting down after a terrible day to try to figure it out. it's about biting off more than you can chew and having someone to help you try to get it all done any way. it's about realizing it's impossible to be the best version of yourself 24/7 and that the other person still loves you when you're a grouch, selfish or down right rude. it's about taking a big chunk of your free time to do something for someone who is important to them, because that's enough to make it important to you too. it's about having a runny nose and not being showered or even out of sweatpants and him still thinking you look beautiful. it's about grace and understanding and forgiveness on a level you've never needed before. it's about inside jokes and a silent understanding and knowing each other in a way only marriage can lead to. ryan & my marriage feels more solid when we're getting that quantity of time. when i've been traveling a lot or he's been on base 16 hours a day, i feel it in our marriage. a few meals a week isn't enough, we need the breadth and depth of time to grow closer. it's why we wake up next to each other, share a fridge, have joint responsibilities, take on one another's families -- that quantity of time is what is making our marriage.

i'm really blessed in that may parents have been married 31 years and my grandparents have been married 61 years and i have these amazing examples of what a marriage can be. remember how i told you that my parents meet for lunch sometimes? (even though they have breakfast & dinner together most days) well, i see in their marriages how that quantity of time has led to strength in their bond.

the elephant in the room, which will be my next post, is that by the very nature of ryan being a navy pilot, we will be spending significant time apart. we will be on opposite sides of the world and that quantity of time will be, in many ways, impossible. but just as we both fight for that quantity of time together now (& it's never going to just happen) we'll do that during deployments. we will make the time for skype and to write letters and to share things that allow us to continue to go through life together. and it will make us more present and grateful for the times we are in the same place. 

we're far from having this all figured out (& i think my grandparents would say they're still figuring it out), but i can literally feel the character of the quantity of time we have had this first year of our marriage. we're not the same as we were a year ago, in some ways, we're really different. and, i absolutely love it.

alright, newlyweds, got any other thoughts? xo

so pretty, by erika.

my sweet, unbelievably wise friend erika sent me this amazing email after my "so pretty" post. i read it and immediately felt like i shouldn't be the only one who gets to benefit from her perspective. so i asked her if she would allow me to share it with you and she was kind enough to say yes. without further adieu ...

"I think about the idea of affirmation a lot, too.  And I think about how much my heart aches when I walk by those teenage girls in the mall where you can almost feel the judgment around them and the girl on the date with the desperate look of anxiety.  And I think about what causes this – and other things, too. Like why so many fabulous women fall for men who will make their life harder than it already is.  And why so many beautiful women starve themselves.  Or why on earth women can be some of the most challenging bosses for women at work (sometimes I want to shake them from the shoulders and say “aren’t we in this thing called life together? Don’t you already know so much about me without even knowing me? Let’s lift each other UP!”)

Click to read more ...

so pretty.

every now and then i love to bring up something and write a little (then wait patiently for your thoughts!) as you have no doubt guessed, i'm still figuring out what tulips & flight suits is "about." last time, i wrote about why i think visiting friends is so important (even when it stretches your budget).

today, i'd love to throw something out there i think about a lot. i think, we, as women, miss a lot of chances to affirm one another. something has shifted in how we grow up to where young girls feel more pressure than ever to look "a certain way," and instead of helping one another navigate these waters, affirming beauty in all its forms, and being a voice in one another's life that genuinely says "you're so pretty" when that girl feels it the least, we miss those opportunities.

Click to read more ...

visit friends.

from the survey and wonderful email/comments i get from so many of you, i know a lot of my readers are women in their twenties. my guess is a lot of us are trying to figure out how we balance our jobs/relationships/well being/family/loves? and if you're anything like me, it's hard. i love showing you pretty/creative things on t&f, but i also love the sparks of dialogue around "bigger" things. this weekend, i was thinking about how important it is to visit friends where they are.

ok, this is a tad wordy, hang with me :) ...

Click to read more ...