balance?
going back to your wonderful questions, several of you asked what i do for a living (specifically why i'm always getting on or off an airplane!) and how i try to strike balance between work & life. well, i can't promise answers, but i can promise honest ramblings.
i'm a military wife. that means we move every couple of years, ryan can deploy at a moment's notice, and there' are a lot of other responsibilities that come with this enormous blessing in our lives. i'm so gosh darn proud of my husband. i don't mind stop, dropping and rolling when paperwork is needed or we have some new challenge ("ok, now you're moving with one week notice of where that will be!"). i'm far from perfect at it, but my mom has been looking my whole life to find a way to teach me patience -- and i've finally met my match: the u.s. navy. we're currently stationed in virginia, which we love.
i also work for a nonprofit that works with wounded & disabled veterans coming back from iraq and afghanistan to help them find, through volunteering, meaning & purpose in their lives again. this generation of veterans is amazing -- and they have a lot left to give. it's an incredible, rapidly growing organization. it's far from a 9-5 (unless you mean 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. too), and, get this, it's based in st. louis. so a lot of my travel is going half way across the country & back again, but we work nationally, so i also do a fair amount of other travel. it's a privelege to work on something with so much meaning. it's deeply personal too. i want an organization like this to exist, if, God forbid, ryan were to get wounded, i would want him to come home to an opportunity like the ones we create -- we're doing good work.
so, now let's throw in everything you see on t&f. i love to cook, have dear friends over to share in those meals, do yoga, read, and put together a home where everything has meaning and is in its' place. i love hanging out with my family. it's really important to us that we're connected to a church. i have dear friends who are scattered to the wind & i love visiting them. we're in that stage of life where every time we blink a friend is getting married or having a baby -- those moments deserve pause & celebration. i aspire to garden. we love going to movies, even if they aren't blockbuster hits. i have some blogs i just love reading. i can't get enough time with my husband -- whether he's just saying funny things or we're going on an adventure. i love writing letters especially with my grandmother & godmother. & every now and then, i'd like to just sit around and contemplate my naval (this is an expression, my editor, ryan, doesn't think it is, but it is) or read a magazine.
so, did i mention i'm human? & i get tired. and worn out. and things take way longer than they should. and i screw them up. or i just don't feel motivated. or really just wish it was already done (ever have those moments? when you think you might walk in the kitchen & a healthy, delicious dinner will magically be sitting there? or you look at your credit card bill & honestly think, "this might go down!" ?!?)
all this to say, i think about this question ALL the time. i mull it over with dear friends. i come up with new game plans. my plans fall apart completely. i reach a new brick wall. i ask big questions. i come to ryan in tears. i think for 2 seconds i might have figured it out (ha!) and then remember why that's impossible.
i am increasingly trying to live a present life. when i'm working -- to really work, to give it everything i have, it deserves it. when i'm with ryan, i kick my blackberry to the curb & am present. when i need rest, and my body is so abundantly clear about that, i try to take it. i try to reflect, when i put my head down at night -- was this a day well lived? what stopped it from being one? i pray. and i look to those far wiser than i am. i lean on my husband. and i try to make new mistakes (not, for the millionth time, think i can continue to not make time for exercise & be happy). i'm trying to pay attention & be honest with myself.
there are days i don't get the emails out i want to, we do frozen pizza (again), we give up on a project or i disappoint a friend. there are days i lose my patience, say something to ryan i wish i could take back or know my third cold this winter is my body's way of telling me i need to slow down.
this is the plight for our generation (especially, i'd say, for women) -- never before have we lived in such a connected, demanding world. the funny thing when i step back and think about why i really love the blogs i do -- is because they illuminate simplicity -- camping. cooking a good meal. getting outside. making something. living simply so others can simply live. those things were much more of a given a few generations ago, now it's almost rebellious to make them a regular part of your life. ("you're going to go off the grid every weekend?!")
i don't know about you, but we're taking it one day at a time. ok readers, would love to know your thoughts! (p.s. love this quote)
big ideas Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 1:32PM
Reader Comments (14)
what are my thoughts? i think it's exacty what you said, exactly how you said it.
thanks for hitting the nail on the head, mary. well thought and well written.
sometimes when i think everything is in total disarray and imbalance, i go to yoga. and gosh darn it if i don't fall out of my tree pose that day, well then i think that was my balance for the day :)
beautiful entry mary. I'm always inspired by how much you are balancing... if nothing else, I think that this is a good reminder to all of us to not be so hard on ourselves and be thankful for having so many wonderful things to even TRY to balance. :) XO
Very familiar Mary! So many things that are important and/or so much fun to do in a week. Since I've started working six months ago it's been a challenge juggling it all. I make lists. They help me to set my priorities straight and stay organized. I love it!
Great thoughts, Mary! The idea of being present in each moment is a real challenge for me, but worth the effort. We have a few pretty major things up in the air right now with no tangible decisions in sight, so I focus on my mornings. I'm a total morning person and have lots of energy and enthusiasm at that time to think, "What can I do to be happy and productive today? What can I do to make someone else happy? How can I make my husband's life a little easier?" While I still feel a bit uneasy about all the unknowns to come, looking forward to a fulfilling day helps me "keep calm and carry on."
It also helps me to remember balance is so different for everyone, guided by different time constraints/obligations/priorities, so I shouldn't feel ineffective if someone else seems to get it all done so perfectly and efficiently; instead, I need to be content with MY balance, which would include complimenting that someone else on a job well done :)
love it, mary. i'm always inspired by your drive and motivation. it's a joy to watch and learn. thanks for the honest reflection about this eternal delema.
Mary, you have a way with words that never fails to speak so, so clearly to me. Thank you for your vulnerability and your honesty; I think we could all use a dose of humble reflection like this.
For me, I think the biggest life lesson that I've learned about balance is to remember that while constantly pushing yourself to succeed (in whatever way you might measure success) is empowering and exhilarating, it's just as important to allow yourself those moments of utter and serene calm to take in the beautiful simplicity of life.
There is abundant joy in achieving your dreams, but there is also something to be said about taking the time to enjoy the process of getting there.
mary, beautiful post! it is wonderful to have someone else put words to a dialogue my group of friends have had on countless occasions.
[note to the editor: she could have gone with "omphaloskepsis" so "contemplating my naval" isn't too shabby]
Probably your BEST post yet...and you have quite a few amazing ones!
i love the honesty that comes through in this post. since bloggers tend to only show their very best selves, we often wonder how they do everything and still remain so perfect. with posts like this, we remember that everyone is in fact human. thanks for your insight-- i need to work on putting the blackberry down when my husband comes home, and i love the 'was today a day well lived?' reflection.
love this post too! i spend half the year in west africa for work and the other half home in boston, and i can definitely empathize with your challenge to find balance while traveling all the time. its taken a year and a half but i've finally figured out a travel schedule that works for me (and internet in my office so I can join in on girls night or engagement parities via Skype!)
Thank you so much for this blog. I have completely fall in love with it. I just started the military life with my boyfriend. We just moved away from Northern VA to Florida and this blog not only satisfies my love of home, but also gives me refuge and encouragement with the military life. It's different, but it's a wonderful different and you highlight that perfectly.
Thank you :)
Love this. :)
LOVE the last paragraph of this post. Well, love this whole post! Thank you for being so honest and optimistic. This really inspired me.
this post is so refreshing. i think that many of us who blog place emphasis on the great and wonderful accomplishments of our lives and, while optimism is inspiring, we tend to skate over the gritty issues that make us real people.
it's great that you take it one day at a time and ask if each day was well lived. i think making a concerted effort to see ourselves from the other side of the glass is so important. otherwise it's easy to get caught up and forget the point of all this, which is largely what my blog is based on. really beautifully stated!